Late-Night Comics Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

TV's leading hosts devoted their airtime mocking ex-President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration initiative, labeled the "golden visa," portraying it as a blatant pay-for-access system for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Witty Take

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock Christmas tune targeting the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... spoils all he touches."

The subject was the controversial initiative that allows international citizens to acquire U.S. residency for the price of a million dollars, or "top-tier" version for five million. The program's website guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick thought for you to wealthy applicants: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from firms wishing to hire skilled workers, involving large payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these people truly qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"It might be time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings during financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a bid to tackle cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative media coverage of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.