Those Phrases given by A Parent That Saved Me as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was just trying to survive for a year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

However the reality rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward statement "You are not in a good spot. You need some help. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now better used to talking about the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a wider reluctance to talk amongst men, who continue to absorb negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a sign of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a pause - spending a few days away, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, staying active and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - taking care of you is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, transformed how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."